Praise be to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah. To proceed:
Natural love for one’s wife, children, food, wealth, and similar things is part of the disposition upon which Allah created human beings. It is not a deficiency in one’s love for Allah, nor is a Muslim required to eliminate it. Rather, perfection is for the love of Allah Almighty to be the highest love, governing all other forms of love, so that a person does not give preference to something he loves over what Allah loves and is pleased with.
First: Love is not of only one type
Love has different types and levels. Among the most important are:
This last type is not, in itself, an act of worship, nor is it blameworthy as long as it remains within lawful limits.
Allah created these inclinations in human beings for great wisdom and benefit. Love of food helps preserve the body; affection between spouses contributes to the continuation of the family and offspring; and love for children is connected to mercy, care, and upbringing.
Second: Perfection does not mean eliminating natural love
It is not correct to say that perfect servitude to Allah requires uprooting natural love from the heart, or that a person should love his wife and children only as mere means of reaching Allah.
Allah Himself placed affection and mercy between spouses. He says:
“And among His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy.”
[Ar-Rum: 21]
Natural affection between spouses is therefore something Allah has made one of His signs, not something people are commanded to eliminate.
The Prophet ﷺ also loved his family, his Companions, and some of the good things of this world. It is authentically reported that when he was asked:
“Which person is most beloved to you?” He replied: “Aishah.”
[Agreed upon]
This clearly shows that natural love does not conflict with perfect servitude to Allah.
Third: When is natural love praiseworthy or blameworthy?
Natural love has three situations:
The first: When it helps a person obey Allah
For example, a person loves his wife, treats her well, and protects both himself and her from what is unlawful; or he loves his children and therefore cares for their upbringing and teaches them goodness.
Such love can become a source of reward when accompanied by a righteous intention.
The second: When it is merely a permissible natural inclination
For example, a person may like a certain food or naturally love his family because of affection and familiarity, without intending a specific act of worship.
Such love is permissible. He does not sin because of it, nor is he required to remove it.
The third: When it competes with the love of Allah
Here the love becomes blameworthy, such as when love of wealth, a spouse, or children leads a person to abandon an obligation or commit something prohibited.
Allah Almighty says:
“O you who believe, let neither your wealth nor your children distract you from the remembrance of Allah. Whoever does that—it is they who are the losers.”
[Al-Munafiqun: 9]
The blame here is not for merely loving wealth and children, but because that love has become a cause of distraction from obedience to Allah.
Fourth: What does perfection in love mean?
Perfection does not lie in abolishing natural love, but in putting one’s loves in their proper order.
A Muslim naturally loves his wife, children, parents, and friends, but when there is a conflict, he gives precedence to loving and obeying Allah and His Messenger.
Allah Almighty says:
“Say: If your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your spouses, your relatives, the wealth you have acquired, the trade whose decline you fear, and the homes you delight in are more beloved to you than Allah and His Messenger and striving in His cause, then wait…”
[At-Tawbah: 24]
The verse does not prohibit loving one’s spouse, children, wealth, or homes. Rather, it warns against giving these loves precedence over love of Allah and His Messenger.
Fifth: Is it better for a Muslim to turn natural love into worship?
Yes. Part of greater perfection is for a person to direct his natural love toward what pleases Allah.
Love for one’s wife can lead to kind treatment and fulfilling her rights; love for one’s children can lead to raising them well, showing them mercy, and teaching them goodness; and love of wealth can lead to earning lawfully, supporting one’s family, and giving charity.
In this way, natural love can develop from something merely permissible into a means of earning reward.
However, this does not mean that a person who loves his wife simply because of affection, beauty, and pleasant companionship, or loves his child simply because of parental affection, is deficient in faith or blameworthy.
Sixth: A person should not burden himself by trying to eliminate his natural disposition
Islam does not require a person to deal with his wife and children as though they were merely impersonal means of reaching Allah, nor does it command him to resist every natural feeling in his heart.
Rather, Islamic teachings came to refine and direct human nature, not to abolish it.
What is required is that natural love remain under the guidance of Islamic teachings. A person may love, show mercy, enjoy companionship, and long for others, but these feelings should not lead him to disobey Allah.
Conclusion
Perfect love for Allah does not require a person to eliminate his natural love for his wife, children, and others. Such love is part of the natural disposition Allah has placed within human beings, and in its basic form it is permissible.
Rather, perfection means that:
So love your family naturally, show them mercy, enjoy their company, and treat them well. Let your love for Allah direct and govern these natural loves rather than abolish them.
And Allah knows best.